Prince Charles & Santa were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Santa thinks "how poetic"
Santa says, "pass the custard you bastard".
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Banta is in a dissection class of cockroach.
He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks..
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
....... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
*************************
Santa on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Santa: Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating
************************
Banta for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the
exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father
in the essay and it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON,
I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE
MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE
FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
***********************
Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Santa: Sir I am Ph.D.
Interviewer : what do u mean by Ph.D?
Santa: (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....
Showing posts with label time passers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time passers. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Work Smart not Hard……….
A giant ship engine failed. The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
'What?!' the owners exclaimed. 'He hardly did anything!'
So they wrote the old man a note saying, 'Please send us an itemized bill.'
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer....... ........ .......... $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap......... ........ ........ $ 9,998.00
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!.
Do you think English is easy???
Very interesting -- you think English is easy???
Read to the end . . . a new twist.
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
Read to the end . . . a new twist.
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP ..
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP ...
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so......... it is time for me to shut UP .!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning the last thing you do at night? U-P
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP ...
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so......... it is time for me to shut UP .!
Oh . . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning the last thing you do at night? U-P
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